{"id":362,"date":"2019-06-25T11:24:31","date_gmt":"2019-06-25T15:24:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/gingerwarner.net\/?p=362"},"modified":"2023-09-29T09:35:24","modified_gmt":"2023-09-29T13:35:24","slug":"mothers-and-daughters-and-the-salad-ban","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/gingerwarner.net\/?p=362","title":{"rendered":"Mothers and Daughters, and the Salad Ban"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><em><strong>I spent every Sunday of my childhood sitting next to my mother on the wooden pews in my father\u2019s church singing hymns acapella.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n<p>My mother sang alto, and very well.\u00a0 I listened to her and sang alto, not as well.\u00a0 I later learned my voice was more suited to the soprano part &#8211; the melody- \u00a0but I stilled preferred to sing sitting next to her.<\/p>\n<p>There is nothing closer than the mother-child bond, after all, we used to share a body.\u00a0 But the process of our separation is a road that winds and turns \u2013 <strong>we use great acceleration for independence and control, and then double back for the closeness and security<\/strong>, as we learn about each other and our bond evolves.<\/p>\n<p>We learn to embrace some of her values as our own, while others we abandon with glee:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><em>\u201cI will never eat another salad.&#8221;\u00a0 <\/em><\/li>\n<li><em>&#8221; I will enjoy an Entire piece of gum (not just a half).&#8221;<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>But this winding road can lead to a truly special destination \u2013 an actual relationship.<\/p>\n<p>My mother and I are very different people.\u00a0 I\u2019ve been a single mom most of my life. \u00a0She\u2019s been married more than 60 years and the strengths and talents we have acquired reflect our footings:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>She scores higher on empathy and compassion. I am more likely to come up with a plan of action and carry it through to completion.<\/li>\n<li>She enjoys cooking. I enjoy having cooked.<\/li>\n<li>I love fishing and riding horses. She prefers to experience the outdoors from the porch in a comfy chair, sans animal hair.<\/li>\n<li>Her love language is words of affirmation &#8211; <em>\u201cLet\u2019s talk about what really matters.&#8221;\u00a0\u00a0<\/em>And mine is acts of service &#8211;\u00a0 \u201c<em>Can you paint while we talk?\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>But we are both easily moved to tears by the sweetness of life and its beauty.<\/p>\n<p>She is one of my favorite people to laugh with.<\/p>\n<p>And she has supported my teaching, even when it was on a stage in front of men- something not all of her friends would agree is appropriate.<\/p>\n<p>There have been things we disagree on and <em><strong>we have chafed against each other in the middle of our closeness<\/strong><\/em>, but we have learned to talk\u00a0 <strong><em>while holding the other\u2019s heart safe, and the relationship as the highest priority.\u00a0 <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Being close without having to be the same. Supporting each other and our differences as well as our similarities.<\/p>\n<p>Because<strong><em> if I see value only in my strengths then I lose out on benefiting from her gifts<\/em>.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><em><strong>And I want to sit next to her and hear her sing.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n<p><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I spent every Sunday of my childhood sitting next to my mother on the wooden pews in my father\u2019s church singing hymns acapella. My mother sang alto, and very well.\u00a0 I listened to her and sang alto, not as well.\u00a0 I later learned my voice was more suited to the soprano part &#8211; the melody- &hellip; <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":363,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"http:\/\/gingerwarner.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/red_curly_hearts_clip_art_13074-e1561477490488.jpg","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p2sCJ7-5Q","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/gingerwarner.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/362"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/gingerwarner.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/gingerwarner.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/gingerwarner.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/gingerwarner.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=362"}],"version-history":[{"count":17,"href":"http:\/\/gingerwarner.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/362\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":417,"href":"http:\/\/gingerwarner.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/362\/revisions\/417"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/gingerwarner.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/363"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/gingerwarner.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=362"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/gingerwarner.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=362"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/gingerwarner.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=362"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}