Change is always hard. Harder still when you’re the one who has to make the change…or be changed.
I’ve fervently prayed His mercy and grace over difficult situations, and nothing has changed.
Actually, that’s not true….. the situation hasn’t changed, but I have.
As I have prayed for guidance, I have found His words of hope pouring from my lips rather than my discontent.
In spite of prayers for respite, I have received instead a Strength that allows me to stand in the middle of chaos and find Joy in His control and a Love that soothes me.
And in the darkness of the unknown, I have longed for His Presence even more than His Power over my circumstances.
And that’s a change for the better.
Because while these trials will pass, there will be others. There is no doubt. And if I choose to place my hope on anything but Him, I will be swept into a whirlwind of anxiety and panic as the sand I’ve built my courage on trickles away.
And I don’t want to live like that.
It’s a hard lesson….a much-needed remodeling project of the soul where I must replace familiar but unreliable earthly crutches, with the security of His promises.
But how do you stand on something as thin as a promise?
When it’s a promise from the Word that is God – the I AM who spoke a universe into being, spoke Life into dead legs, deaf ears, and broken hearts, and speaks still today new Hope into shattered dreams and even Joy in the middle of pain.
How can I doubt that He will speak Life into my world as well?
The promise is His presence…..that Peace that He talks about again and again.
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Frankly, I’ve skipped over those portions of scripture far too often for those I found more appealing…..wanting to see how He will take care of me materially instead of spiritually.
As if my soul could be comforted and filled with a dollar and the illusion of control, instead of a Love that drenches me in grace and His Spirit that guides me to Truth.
I am loving clinging to Him, at times it seems with my every breath, even if “ Lord, help my unbelief!” is all my heart can muster.
This has not always been my pattern. In the past, I have panicked in the storm and made plans to take matters into my own hands.
But that was before I knew He was Good.
Before I understood that He was really interested in the details of my life…..the minutia that makes up a day and leaves you with either peace or regret at as you crawl into bed…. I used to wield whatever small power I had in order to grasp some illusion of control. But it is “striving after the wind“. An empty life, especially when compared to entrusting your heart to only One who has control.
Now, I’m learning.
I don’t care about the outcome as much as I care about the Source of the answer.
I don’t care about the answer as much as I desire His Presence.
I am learning not to doubt a Love that fills like only His can.
And learning to want only those things that come from His hand.
Even if it means letting the storm rage.
I’m living in Love, with Him and His Presence in my life.
And I wonder….. Would I have known this Peace and the depths of His Love, without the storm?
“Sometimes He calms the storm. Other times He lets the storm rage and calms His child.”